Families!!
How do our families become the way they are? What makes people behave in a fashion which makes perfect sense to themselves, but absolutely none to others? How can one situation cause such different reaction between siblings? And how does one react to the sudden correspondence from a long lost sister?? Why am I being bombarded by family????
So here is the situation. My older brother became estranged from our family about 9 years ago, and he has recently contacted me through Facebook. I have little desire to reestablish ties with him unless he somehow reconnects with Mum. He decided that Mum, my brother Kyle and I were not worthy of knowing him, and so began this long silence. BUT, you see I don't really understand why!! The reasons he gave were not good enough to satisfy the extreme reaction.
So, I reestablished connection with this brother to find out WHY! Not for my sake, or Kyle's, but for Mum and my brother's children, who are sadly missing out on the most fabulous Nanny ever. I want more than anything for him to realise what he has been missing out on and grovel, if necessary, for her forgiveness.
My mother is the best person in the entire world. I know a lot of people say that about their mothers, but seriously she has had to put up with a lot of crap from her children and she has never given up on us. I put her through years of worry from eating disorders to Post Natal Depression and endless relationship dramas. Kyle, bless him, has given the concern of depression (must be a family thing), and the worry that, as a gay man, he will not find the love he so definitely deserves. Now he is overseas, and that is a whole other list of worries. My other brother Ryan dabbled in drugs as a teenager and is probably now the most levelheaded and responsible one of all of us, and then there is Cameron, who decided he could not forgive his mother for breaking up our family. I want to point out that Cameron was 19 years old when my parents split, and living at university. The three younger of the children were living at home and living through it.
Having said that, I also want to point out that, although technically Mum did bring about the end of the relationship, it would have happened eventually anyway, and I love Ray (my step-father) every bit as much as I love Dad. I would never wish years of loneliness and unhappiness on one of the most important people in my life for any "complete" family. Mum and Dad had grown apart, and the split was inevitable, simply because Mum is a lively, energetic, happy, friendly person who could not sit at home and not get out there and live life. She puts me to shame with her boundless energy and I often forget that she is over 60 years old. She is not a person who can sit and do nothing, and unfortunately, that is what Dad was like then.
Don't get me wrong, I love Dad and I am sorry that he had to go through that painful divorce, but I think everybody ended up in better places because of it, which is why I don't understand my brother's reaction to it.
So I have established contact with Cameron to try to mend the bridges between him and Mum. If he still maintains a lack of respect for her, then I have nothing more to say to him. This is the person who gave birth to him, who helped him through night terrors, first days at school, fights with other kids, took him places when Dad didn't want to be bothered, including the Grand Prix in Adelaide that caused an enormous fight between Mum and Dad. She would have been there for him no matter what, and she would have a great Nanny to his children, as she is to mine and Ryan's. I feel sorry for them to be missing out on this wonderful woman. But if he can honestly say that none of that matters, then I can honestly walk away and never speak of him again, because she is just too important to me.
I love you Mum.
Also, this morning I received a message in my Facebook Inbox from my long lost sister (well half sister). I am still not sure how to deal with that one...... only time will tell.
So here is the situation. My older brother became estranged from our family about 9 years ago, and he has recently contacted me through Facebook. I have little desire to reestablish ties with him unless he somehow reconnects with Mum. He decided that Mum, my brother Kyle and I were not worthy of knowing him, and so began this long silence. BUT, you see I don't really understand why!! The reasons he gave were not good enough to satisfy the extreme reaction.
So, I reestablished connection with this brother to find out WHY! Not for my sake, or Kyle's, but for Mum and my brother's children, who are sadly missing out on the most fabulous Nanny ever. I want more than anything for him to realise what he has been missing out on and grovel, if necessary, for her forgiveness.
My mother is the best person in the entire world. I know a lot of people say that about their mothers, but seriously she has had to put up with a lot of crap from her children and she has never given up on us. I put her through years of worry from eating disorders to Post Natal Depression and endless relationship dramas. Kyle, bless him, has given the concern of depression (must be a family thing), and the worry that, as a gay man, he will not find the love he so definitely deserves. Now he is overseas, and that is a whole other list of worries. My other brother Ryan dabbled in drugs as a teenager and is probably now the most levelheaded and responsible one of all of us, and then there is Cameron, who decided he could not forgive his mother for breaking up our family. I want to point out that Cameron was 19 years old when my parents split, and living at university. The three younger of the children were living at home and living through it.
Having said that, I also want to point out that, although technically Mum did bring about the end of the relationship, it would have happened eventually anyway, and I love Ray (my step-father) every bit as much as I love Dad. I would never wish years of loneliness and unhappiness on one of the most important people in my life for any "complete" family. Mum and Dad had grown apart, and the split was inevitable, simply because Mum is a lively, energetic, happy, friendly person who could not sit at home and not get out there and live life. She puts me to shame with her boundless energy and I often forget that she is over 60 years old. She is not a person who can sit and do nothing, and unfortunately, that is what Dad was like then.
Don't get me wrong, I love Dad and I am sorry that he had to go through that painful divorce, but I think everybody ended up in better places because of it, which is why I don't understand my brother's reaction to it.
So I have established contact with Cameron to try to mend the bridges between him and Mum. If he still maintains a lack of respect for her, then I have nothing more to say to him. This is the person who gave birth to him, who helped him through night terrors, first days at school, fights with other kids, took him places when Dad didn't want to be bothered, including the Grand Prix in Adelaide that caused an enormous fight between Mum and Dad. She would have been there for him no matter what, and she would have a great Nanny to his children, as she is to mine and Ryan's. I feel sorry for them to be missing out on this wonderful woman. But if he can honestly say that none of that matters, then I can honestly walk away and never speak of him again, because she is just too important to me.
I love you Mum.
Also, this morning I received a message in my Facebook Inbox from my long lost sister (well half sister). I am still not sure how to deal with that one...... only time will tell.
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